why does it seem like all the men in my life are failing me?

ne le laissez pas dedans qu'il seulement vous a laissé vers le bas

his heart is divided and his blood can't help but spill.  The tale would make you cry, dear that one drop could tell.

Don't let him in, child.  He'll only let you down

Don't let him in just you stay in your skin.  Keep your hand on the door and remember he's down.

His fear could take him out of here but he's lost.  Oh, is he lost or one hard sell?  He's been in other houses and their warmth but they're no homes a heart can tell.

Don't let him in, child.  He'll only let you down

Don't let him in just you stay in your skin.  Keep your hand on the door.

don't let him in just you keep your light dim.  If he's pounding the floor, turn your head and ignore that he's down.

Dehors à la mer

I'm not entirely sure how to start this one.

I guess I'll start with this. . .

When the vino has lost its taste. . . When the rage has dissolved into apathy. . .

When everyone wears the same mask. . .

When you can no longer see the dying flicker 

of pinpoint light at the end. . .

When the temple has become just another stone-cold box. . .

When the godseyes have all lost their glory. . .

When there's no place left to hide. . . no refuge. . .

Just drifting out into the void has vastly more appeal than being here, back there, over there, everywhere, and anywhere. . .

When you just want to be Away. . .

When your heart is overwhelmed by everything and nothing at the same time. . .

When all you've ever had has fallen apart at the seems. . .

When you shouldn't be left alone with you thoughts but. . . 

When your surrounded by people who know you but don't know a thing. . .

 Just drifting out into the void is increasingly become more appealing. . .

when you just want to be away

est-ce que j'étais un imbécile à penser ?

I've grown tired of love

you are the trouble with me

treat me recklessly

all you do is toss me pennies out

but the silence in me is screaming

won't you come and get me?

was i a fool to think? 

you make a mess of me here

i dance a thousand steps for you

if you say yes to me

i'll be whatever gets you through

a little something.

fall in love or fall in hate.

get inspired or be depressed.

ace a test or flunk a class,

make babies or make art.

speak the truth or lie and cheat

dance on a table or sit in the corner.

life is divine chaos. embrace it 

forgive yourself. breathe.

and enjoy the ride.

-solbeam

et j'ai voulu vous honorer de la vérité

i wish for once it wasn't just me saying how i felt.

its a bittersweet relationship now.

i miss when we were closer then anything

and we were ok with it just being the two of us.

everyone says to move on 

and let you be your own man

but there will always be that part of me

that keeps hoping 

no matter how far it seems we're getting 

you meant more to me than anyone i have ever loved at all*

right now you may not believe that

but know its you who i wish was in front of me

sharing these moments that mean more than time itself 

veuillez me pardonner.

vous savez qui n'etait jamais mon intention 

et j'ai voulu vous honorer de la verite

Expectations....

We all think we're going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met.

But sometimes our expectations sell us short.  Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected.

You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady.  Standing still. 

The expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.

today's great happenings: 

-i have potential roomies for next year, and i'm so excited!!

-i made the a.team at unh!!

-my second dimple came out for a little bit...  : )

"Death and Life"

   cur       f          w              d             dis        and p

A      sed    iend     rought     eath            ease           ain.

  bles       fr           b             br          and                ag

- Charles Carrol Bombaugh, Gleanings for the Curious from the Harvest-Fields of Literature, 1890

Something Thats Been On My Mind . . .

           It's interesting how certain people can make you feel.  How you can go through a variety of emotions in just one day sometimes because of these people.  

And I find it funny when someone takes away a lot of your life so that they can live more comfortably.  Meanwhile all you've ever done to them is been nice, never said anything bad about them or done anything to hurt or humiliate them.  Yet they always hurt you.  My mother always said you can't put your trust in people, they will always let you down.  Sometimes thats such a hard thing to grasp because we want to be able to trust people, especially when we're in need of a friend. And then you get this overwhelming feeling of betrayal, sometimes to the point of feeling like your being choked.  Your heart hurts more in that moment then if someone were to hit you with their car.  Not true, but you can't help they way you feel sometimes.  

 

        

 I've learned over the years to keep more things to myself, and let people wonder.  To go for a run instead.  Try it sometime.